Mary has always dreamed of the American dream: great job, great
love, marriage, a white picket fence and kids running around the house. Mary
worked hard to earn for herself a dream job, later on met the love of her life
and went to Bali for their honeymoon. Two years passed and the waiting game
started… a baby would complete Mary’s American dream. She grew a beautiful
garden to occupy her weekends or perfected the art of baking pies so that when
Mary’s child would arrive, she was all set to put her mom game on.
A visit to the doctor confirmed her fears, Mary could not have a
This crushed her dreams and it caused a lot of friction in her
marriage. Why was this happening when everything was supposed to be perfect?
The news crushed Mary so much; she fell into a deep hole. She was so consumed
in her desire to build a family.
One day, she bumped into a friend who experienced the same thing…
but the difference was, her friend had a baby carriage. So, could there be hope
According to the CDC, over 6.7 million women, ages 15-44 have an
impaired fecundity or ability to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. (CDC)
In the distant past, couples faced with infertility lost all
hopes and accepted their fate. Today, that has changed a great deal. Like
Mary’s friend, people have found alternative solutions to this predicament.
Mary’s friend recommended that she try surrogacy or adoption.
There’s a lot of concern regarding these options mainly because
it doesn’t follow the natural order of life or family planning. Surrogacy
requires another woman to carry the child intended for another family. There
are two main types of surrogacy: traditional or gestational.
Gestational surrogacy involves IVF(In-vitro fertilization) which
means the child is genetically unrelated to the surrogate.
Traditional surrogacy involves natural or artificial insemination.
This type involves the surrogate’s own eggs which would mean that the child is
related to the surrogate but unrelated to the intended parents.
Today, there are about 9 children born to surrogates
in every state annually. Some concerns relate to the adjustment of children
born to surrogates that are attributed to the missing link during gestation
between the intended mother and the child. However, studies have found that adjustment levels are normal and it does not present any issues
concerning behavioral development. Then again, parenting is not just about
genetics but being able to provide a safe and loving environment for the child.
The American Academy of Pediatrics said that “Scientific evidence affirms that children
have similar developmental and emotional needs…” which goes on to show that
every child needs loving and capable parents who create an inclusive
environment that paves the way to a well adjusted child.
With same sex marriage being given more careful consideration,
family planning has also evolved as another way for different kinds of families
to grow. For as long as a parent is capable of giving a child the kind of love
and care every child needs, he or she will grow into a well-adjusted adult that
is able to deal with life with a good perspective.
“Instead, of raising children who turn out okay despite
their childhood, let’s raise children who turn out extraordinary because
of their childhood.” – LR Knost
Written by Guest Contributor:
I understand that some women do look forward to actually being pregnant, but the actual goal is a child. It seems to me that having a child by surrogacy or adoption shouldn't be any different than giving birth to a child: you will love & raise that child as you would any child.
That's exactly the overarching point I was trying to make Tamra! I'm happy to hear you agree, it appalls me to see women (or their children) looked down upon from for going through surrogacy.